Wednesday, July 29, 2015

I'm leaving . . . on a bus trip

I'm halfway through my bus trip. Well, more than half-way. I’m currently sitting in Chicago waiting for my second bus to leave to take me to Indianapolis for GenCon. It should be fun. I'm a little nervous and I just ran out of water so I'm thirsty. Grrr. If I would have known we were going to be sitting here this long I would have gone over to the Dunkin’ Donuts and gotten something to drink.

Anyway, the time passes faster with movies on the computer, I just hope I don't run out of battery power before I finish Guardians of the Galaxy. Oh my god I love Yantu.

Today has gone okay, it has been a bit rough. I prefer my own personal space and being on a crowded bus isn't exactly relaxing. I had to take an anxiety pill earlier; I would take another one now except I'm out of water and I don't think I could take it without water. I'm looking forward to this weekend and I'm nervous about it. I hope everything goes well.

Tuesday, July 28, 2015

On my way

I'm hoping that this is a permanent thing, but it seems like my mood has been leveling out. I have noticed that it seems less extreme than before. It also has allowed me to look back and see how bad I was in the past. It is like looking in the mirror and seeing your past behavior in the eyes of someone else. I'm seeing cycles I didn't realize were there and I'm lucky that I didn't have a more intense mania episode several times.

That is all for now at this late hour.

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Hard day

Today is starting as a hard day. I love my Aunt but she talks a great deal and it stresses me out. I'm disappointed by this wellness expo as there isn't much in the way of mental health. We'll see how the rest of the day goes.

Friday, July 24, 2015

Better?

The days are so often up and down. I'm up for a while, then down, then up, then down. Then crying about the lack of clothing that fits. All my button down shirts are too small, most of my jeans are too small. Soon I will be off to the thrift to pick up some ‘new’ clothes. I hope. I'm agitated very easily these days. I'm going to my parents, but I'm nervous. I suddenly have two books and six covers that need to be finished by Monday. Oh and there is another layout and some catalog corrections that I am waiting on.

In the last few days I have made a homemade photo light box to photograph my sculptures. I've opened my Etsy store and have seven listings. My clay has been coming along, though my jewelry has not recently. I have been in absolutely no mood to eat anything. I'm lucky if I force myself to eat breakfast and dinner, but lunch is a toss up. Trying to stay hydrated at least.

Today’s sculpture.

© Heather Lynn

Sunday, July 19, 2015

Good Day

Today was what I call a good day. I didn't sleep very well, due to a severe headache (woke me up out of sleep severe, I wanted to trepan myself). Still, I woke up feeling pretty good, glad that the Tylenol I took around midnight had worked and I was ready for the day.

I ended up making some clay figures (I still need to do the faces). I did one three times and still didn't get it right, but I decided it was okay. I've discovered if I wash my hands and work surface before I work that my clay is far less dirty (duh!!). I drew a bit. Watched some Miss Marple with Joan Hickson. I played with my son for a while and posted photos from yesterday's trip to the farm. We had a friend over yesterday evening and that was nice. She was able to run the LM out of some energy as I wasn't up to it. Today I took a nap around 2:00 and slept for about two hours. LM came and snuggled for a little while and talked to me.

I got up, baked my clay figures and waiting for C and LM to come back from their walk. They found a bone of some sort (I think it is a vertebrae). LM wants to keep it so I looked up how one would clean such a thing. Hydrogen Peroxide.

It was nice spending the day with C and LM. Nice to have a day where negative thoughts didn't rule my mind. I looked up Pinkie Pie costumes and make up and tried some out. I couldn't get myself to like how it turned out. But there are costume ideas!

I spent a lot of time drawing and thinking. This is what I drew. It is what my brain feels like at any point in the day. Sometimes there is so much going on I can't make any decisions at all. I'm paralyzed at the choices. I know that is kind of cowardly, but that is how it is.


Creativity

This is how my creative process feels lately.


Gah!


Friday, July 17, 2015

Up Day

Today has been an upbeat day for the most part. I did lay in bed for part of the day thinking of people who jump off bridges and what the air must feel like, but that feeling passed. I played PvZ 2 for a little while with my son and then we listened to the iPod on shuffle. Turns out he likes The Clash, Bond, and Charlie Parker. He was dancing and grooving to the music. Then I had the brilliant idea of moving my work desk downstairs and getting rid of an old desk that we don't really need. So, I took the legs off the desk, took everything off of it, lugged it downstairs and set it up. Got the spare monitor set up and all of my work tools laid out. There is a mess in the bedroom from everything that was Under the desk when it was upstairs, but I'll get to it over the next few days. Now this way I can watch video tutorials on the spare screen while I'm working. I haven't decided if this was just a normal incident or if this was more like a hypomanic incident. I was really for it when I was moving everything, but I think I exhausted myself by the time everything was complete. I did want to drag the old desk outside (because hey, I can do EVERYTHING by myself you know). But convinced myself that I should wait for my husband to help. Now I'm kind of tired, I have tingles in my tongue, kinda a numb feeling or like when your leg falls asleep. And I'm a little dizzy. I did have breakfast. And lots of water. Made my son summer sausage, strawberries, and cheese for lunch. After he finishes that up I'm going to make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because I doubt he'll eat the left overs from last night.